I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
too bad you live with your parents still
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
