Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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