I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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