I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
