It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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