You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
