i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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