omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
