I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
