Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
