You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
