Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
