His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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