how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
