Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
