Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
