I think my fart just growled at me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize