I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
