i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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