Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
