just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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