I think I won the penis lottery.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
