Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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