tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
