last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
