So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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