everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
