last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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