I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
