I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
