after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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