she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm getting married
To pizza
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
