just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
