thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
