he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
