why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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