guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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