i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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