I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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