All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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