I can text with my tongue
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize