Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
