I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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