i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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