dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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