It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
