I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
