What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
