It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
