I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
