May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
