just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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