I'm gonna have a badass scar
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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