This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
