Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
