No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
