Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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