At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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