Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
