Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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