When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
