Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize