if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Everclear isn't food dammit
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
