found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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