I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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