You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
